Jane's story: 'I’ve struggled with my mental health since a traumatic childhood'

I’ve struggled with my mental health since a traumatic childhood, still do, but the night I rang the Samaritans, I was at my lowest.

I was living on my own for the first time at 44, after my partner ended our long-term relationship without warning. One night, the daily anxiety and grief I’d been feeling turned into the worst panic attack I’ve ever had. I felt completely ungrounded, as if I were completely alone in a small boat on a dark, stormy ocean.

I didn’t know how I was going to make it through but didn’t feel I could wake a friend. My doctor had given me the Samaritans’ number, but I’d been too nervous to ring them, as I didn’t know where to start. I also wrongly thought I had to be about to take my life. I apologised for rambling, but they reassured me they would speak with me for as long as I needed. They were so kind, and over the course of a couple of hours they really helped me open up about how low, anxious, and overwhelmed I was feeling. They helped me see it was okay to struggle with such massive life changes, and as we spoke, my anxiety reduced.

I’m so grateful. That conversation led to my being more open with friends about how I feel mentally and helped me accept that it was okay to need urgent support.